just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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