Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
