Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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