dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize