sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did I show you my penis last night?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
