I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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