all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize