hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
