his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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