Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
