addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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