Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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