i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we made out on top of his cat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
