The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
