Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
