Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
