Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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