just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Who died my cat blue again?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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