I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
