i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
