Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
