just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
