ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I look better un-naked...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
