Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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