I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
