It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
