I bet he comes in French.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
