I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
