No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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