Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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