how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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