Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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