Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
