I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
