Why are handjobs necessary in class?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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