You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
