She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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