4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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