splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize