If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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