i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
