so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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