ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My vagina just clenched in fear
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
