I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
