i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
