Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh god it's open bar.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts