im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.