as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
