You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
