I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
