maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
