Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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