I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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