i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
