Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
