she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
