I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize