umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
