i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
