she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
