Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize