Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
